


I'd Wager It Went Like This

by Hiniwalay



Category: Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, Le Bon Ton, Married Couple, Married Life, Post-Canon, Regency, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:53:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28635039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiniwalay/pseuds/Hiniwalay
Summary: The elusive Mr. Darcy has been caught at last. How do you suppose the country chit managed it? Joinle bon tonin the speculation!
Relationships: Elizabeth Bennet/Fitzwilliam Darcy
Comments: 20
Kudos: 232





	I'd Wager It Went Like This

THE MEN

There was the pouring of port and the clack of billiard balls at the White’s club. One chap leaned on his cue stick, watching his fellow line up. Conversationally, he said, "Suppose she's so beautiful, Darcy could not contain himself."

The fellow struck the ball and shook his head. "She's pretty, I grant you, but nothing out of the common way. A few years in, too. Darcy could have easily found a handsomer lassie."

"Buxom, then? That fine, soft—" he gestured descriptively.

The other shook his head and shrugged his shoulders.

"Well," reasoned the other, "To each his own taste."

* * *

ELIZABETH

He was not speaking. He _was not speaking_.

"They..." Elizabeth said timidly, too timidly for her liking. "They are quite small, I know."

At that, Darcy's eyes finally lifted to lock with hers. " _Elizabeth_ ," he said fiercely. "They are _perfect_."

She curled into herself and averted her eyes. "Assuage my vanity and diminish your expectations by all means, but we both know—"

She could not finish her sentence, for he swooped down and lavished them with all manner of kisses and licks until she was quite breathless and unable to argue.

* * *

THE WOMEN

"It was a compromise," said the filly in the low cut dress tartly. "You _know_ how shameless those country hoydens can be. She obviously used her arts and allurements, if you take my meaning."

"What techniques did she employ, do you think?" said her companion in a dashing sleeveless slip. "I've worked my magic on Darcy before, but he never seemed to like it."

"I daresay it was the," she looked left and right surreptitiously, " _down,_ followed by the _dizzy_. You know how well that worked on Lord Geoffrey."

* * *

DARCY

"Elizabeth," he murmured huskily.

"Yes, Mr. Darcy?" she breathed.

He whimpered.

"Yes?"

Moaning, he said, "Remind me never to touch Cook's chocolate custard again."

He rolled over sluggishly in bed, displacing yet again all the carefully tucked blankets.

"Poor, poor Mr. Darcy," sighed Elizabeth. He heard the wringing of water in the basin and felt the cool damp cloth kiss his forehead. "Must you indulge at Christmas? At no other time have my capacities as a nursemaid been tested this severely."

* * *

THE PAPAS

"What of the dowry?" said the unfortunate man with a bevy of daughters that needed marrying.

"Ten thousand pounds!" exclaimed a debutante-laden father. "Practically nonexistent!"

"What? You've gone deaf. Twenty thousand, surely, at the very least," said the happy man with sons only.

The wizened old geezer shook his head. "I cannot believe the lot of you. _I_ heard that it was quite definitely thirty."

* * *

ELIZABETH

" _William_ ," came Elizabeth’s squeal as her steps thundered in the hallway. In a flash, the door swung open. "This is far too much! You cannot possibly spend this amount on my immoderate fancies!"

She was holding the set of earrings and necklace he had bought for her, almost reverently, as if it would break if she wasn’t careful. He had no doubt that if it wasn’t so expensive, she would be waving it around to emphasize her point.

He strode to her and kissed the spot behind her ear, humming with satisfaction. He knew she had wanted it when she had hovered around the display case and questioned the shopkeeper, but she had balked at the price, refusing to spend so much money all for her own. "On the contrary, my dear. Your reactions make it so very worth it."

Her face reddened evermore. "Well!" she pushed him off and crossed her arms. "If that is the inducement? For the sake of economy and the solvency of Pemberley, I shan't move a muscle." She proceeded to school her face into a most unnaturally stolid poker.

"Dearest," said Darcy with his lips quirked at the edges. He tugged her chin upward. "You know you cannot sustain that expression. 'Tis not your nature."

She raised a brow, but otherwise, her features did not twitch.

Darcy considered her with an amused then increasingly serious expression. He tilting her chin this way and that before leaning in such that his breath shivered on her face, ready to capture her soft, silky lips with his own. Her dark eyes fluttered closed.

Then he started tickling her in the sides.

_Shriek!_

"Fitzwilliam! This is a— _giggle_ —this is a travesty! Dishonourable conduct! The jewelry! The jewelry! Stop!— _giggle_ —I demand— _snort_ — I demand parley! _Parley!"_

* * *

THE MAMAS

"Who are her connexions?"

_mumble_

"Pardon?"

"An uncle in _Cheapside?!_ "

* * *

DARCY

"You know," said Mr. Gardiner. "I've had a great deal of new orders lately."

The man across him took a sip of the excellent brandy. "Glad to be of service."

"Now look here," said the uncle with an amused look. "I am beginning to see the foundation of your rumored arrogance. How can you know it was _your_ influence that made the difference here? Presumptuous!"

The smirk widened on Darcy's face. "Gardiner, if you wish to retain the privilege of fishing at _my_ pond, I suggest you check your tongue to suit my whims."

"Why, you wouldn't dare!"

Their merry tussle escalated quickly.

Each found it difficult to explain later, to their respective wives, how one of them ended up with a cracked vase and the other a cracked grin.

* * *

OTHERS

"Obviously, they're in love," said the children, some sighing, some matter-of-factly. "They're in love, that's why they married."

* * *

ELIZABETH AND DARCY

_inaudible murmurs and kissing_

**Author's Note:**

> If y'all got ideas how to improve on this, let's hear it!


End file.
